Restless Coward
by BecsChlobear
Summary: Two years in LA after moving from Barden, Beca is restless as she's getting older and figuring out that she has been hiding behind her work and her cowardice of not recognizing her true feelings for Chloe…Is it too late once they meet up again?


Beca and Jesse broke up after three months of Beca having moved in with him in LA. Well, broke up is misleading in their case, since they just decided they were much better as friends, soul mates. The transitions from being long distance to getting back together led them to slowly realize that they loved each other but that this was a platonic friendship, not a romantic relationship. There was loyalty, there was care, and there was an immense love between them. There was just no passion or fire. Jesse was the one to bring the whole thing up of course. Beca was better with talking about emotions compared to when they first met in their freshman year at Barden. She was still not someone to bring things up, not because she was not capable, but because she was focused on getting her career going on a steady pace. She was overwhelmed by having to do that and also keep growing up. She had let so many people in her life after having been used to shutting people out. She didn't know how to actually let herself and her feelings exactly be known. She was still weird about those kinds of things. Just like she had shared during the campfire at the retreat before worlds to the Bellas.

The break up not only helped Beca mature and express herself better with Jesse. It also shed light on something else. After six months of working as an associate music producer for the Residual Heat, LA Branch, Beca realized something that had been in the background but subconsciously just could not help but be brought to the front of everything that was occurring now that she had graduated and had moved thousand of miles away. The distance and knowledge that their lives were going in different directions allowed Beca to see she was in love with Chloe Beale.

No. Not just the friendship love that she had told herself thousands of times that she felt for the redhead. This was the real deal. It took her a while but the signs were yelling at her otherwise as she was helping write songs or produced music for singers who were writing about love, being in love, or having been in love at some point. At first she thought it was just the distance and the change in life style she experienced that was causing her to miss Chloe as well as the other Bellas. But she could not fool herself for so long. For example, when Jesse left for LA her senior year she felt sad and she missed Jesse. But it was nothing compared to how she felt after moving to LA without Chloe. Upon their return from Copenhagen, Chloe had announced she had been accepted into a low resourced school district teacher certificate program in Atlanta. They both moved out of the Bella house the same day promising to stay in touch. And that went well for about two months but it died soon after. Both got busy with their post graduate lives and new responsibilities. Beca missed Chloe's bubbly personality and lack of physical boundaries. Yes, exactly those things that at first had made her look weird at Chloe. Now those were the things she missed the most. The caring and supportive environment she brought around Beca. The energy she would so easily pass on to Beca when Beca wasn't being hardheaded. The passion and fire the redhead lit in her life.

Even though it took a lot for Beca to come to terms with her feelings, she also came to the realization that she didn't have the courage to express her love. 'Maybe this is just how moving away from your friends and best friend feels like.' That's what she tried to convince herself with. It was a big transition to move from Barden to LA, from college life to adult/music industry life. Not only was she in a different city on the other side of the country, she was also now a full time music producer. Adult life was not more difficult but it did bring new experiences and responsibilities. Too many at the same time so therefore she was overwhelmed. She had to focus on music to be able to tune out other pressing matters. And that's how she managed to push away feelings. By engulfing herself in her music and learning as much as she could from all the artists she was working with. Her music was developing and maturing steadily. And that's how she found herself two years later.

She's been working hard. Her music collaborations with artists ranging from well established to just starting is making noise at Residual Heat and in the music industry. All that combined, filled her with the energy she needed to survive the first year and a half. But as soon as she took a break or had any free time, she was not able to push away her feelings about what she lost and what she's missing.

Beca couldn't shrug off the feeling her youth was slipping away just like the love of her life slipped away without her even knowing at the time. Why? She just doesn't have the courage to face living her life to the degree or extent she yearns to live it at.

At least in the friend department she's not as alone this time around. Like in her senior year where she kept most of the Bella's out of the loop, she did that now except for random participation in the group chat they had going still. There were two exceptions this time around thought, Fat Amy and Emily.

Emily's communication was mostly focused on work and giving advice for the young captain that was still collaborating on work with Residual Heat. Fat Amy had made it her job to not let Beca just tune everyone out. The Tasmanian, who did end up buying a ranch in Little Rock, was too hardheaded and would not leave her alone with her still eccentric and out of this world life adventures with Bumper. Bumper, while still immature in other aspects in life, had really meant it about wanting to date her and being a more serious couple. They were more serious about each other. Beca figured it was only a matter of time before he popped the question. His participation in the Voice (of course he didn't win) with coach Christina had aided him in getting Comedy Central producers interested in him for an upcoming comedy show. While Fat Amy still had the same weirdness, she had matured more and surprised everyone when she started an organization that would teach wrestling to kids. She would go back and forth between L.A. and Little Rock. When she was in LA she made sure to visit Beca.

Jesse is still there by her side as she goes through all this transition time. They had decided to keep living together. He got to see how Beca is happy when she's in the studio or meeting new artists or talking about her work. But in the moments when she's not keeping occupied and they are hanging out, he feels and sees Beca's internal regret radiate. He makes it his focus as her best friend to help Beca make progress in her own personal life. But Beca is Beca, and there are even tougher walls built around her this time around when it came to expressing feelings. He was able to break Beca's walls six years ago when they first met. That's how she had let more people in. This time he knew it would take more than him to get Beca out of the shell she built around herself. He didn't exactly know what she was feeling but he had his theory. He could tell Chloe was a big part of why Beca was like this but he didn't dare to bring it up. He knew it would be a mistake to not let Beca process this on her own terms and therefore knew he should just be there for when she finally opened up about her feelings for the redhead.

"Becaawww"

"Dude really, one day you will pop my ear drum. Residual Heat is going to sue you for injuring their best and most promising associate music producer. And the world will miss out on awesome music. And it will all be because of your immaturity and annoying habit of not saying my name properly!" Beca ranted.

"Woah woah woah, well someone is feeling really awesome and overconfident this morning," Jesse said walking into view and getting a cup for coffee.

"Shut up. I'm Beca Effin Mitchel," she held a fist in the air and paused, "Fat Amy's words, not mine. You're welcome world," Beca says and cant help but laugh at the end of that. He joins in.

"What's up Jess? Shouldn't you be getting ready to leave?" Beca said from the window seat in their kitchen. She was in her usual morning place lying there with her laptop propped on her knees.

"Nothing. Just wondering if you had plans for tonight. What? I mean, I know you don't have any plans, so I'm here to tell you, tonight, you do have plans," Jesse said with a smirk as he moved around the kitchen.

"Jess, seriously? Every weekend you try to force me out to some party of some person I don't even know. I always say no and don't regret it. The only person I can't say no to is Fat Amy when she comes to town because she tortures me with butt confidence to get me to say yes."

"Beca, common. You need a break. You've been working really hard. You seriously can't tell me you still have more to do after you worked more than 60 hours this week."

"Hey! I'm always working on something. I'm barely starting off this dream Jess. I have to keep it going. New artists, songs, or albums won't just appear magically out of thin air," Beca said as she used her hands to draw out an imaginary magical rainbow above her.

"Cut it out loser. You and I both know well you need a break. Should I use my butt confidence?" Jesse said rubbing his two hands mischievously with a creeper look on his face.

"Don't you dare! I'll move out if you even try! Swanson, it's better this way. I keep busy. You go party. World gets awesome music. Everyone's happy and living their lives and carrying on and I'm here happy and…"

"Going out meeting new people will make it easier for you. Trust me. Beca, you need this. I am your friend and I can see you just need to cut yourself some slack for a night. I don't want you to move out but if you don't agree I am willing to face the consequences of using my own butt confidence," Jesse said approaching Beca rubbing his booty with both hands.

"Ahh. You are in-su-ffer-a-ble," Beca said making every syllable of the last word sound rougher. She sighed putting down her laptop and sitting up. Jesse could tell he had won this time. "Take another step and I'll change my mind. I'll go. Now tell me who's party is it?"

"YESSSS!," Jesse said fake fist bumping with Beca not daring to take a step closer to the smug looking brunette. "Ok, so there may or may not be this girl I'm interested in who planned a get together at a downtown bar/club type of place tonight."

"Oooh let me guess, that girl who you went out to a couple of lunches already and who you just wont stop making puppy eyes for when you talk about or see her in your office?" Beca said sarcastically. Jesse had not stopped constantly talk about Laura for the past two months.

"Yes. Laura," Jesse said with a wide smile, "It will be a small thing at a bar/lounge downtown according to her with friends from our last film music production team and some friends of her own that just moved into town."

"So this isn't a date for you guys? I don't third wheel well dude," Beca stated flatly as she headed towards her room.

"Well, I'm not considering this a date but hey I get to meet more of her friends and spend time with her as she hosts. And she sincerely told me to bring you to meet you. She's a big fan of your music. I told her you were my best buddy and how you just love random small parties and how you would love to come to this," Jesse said wincing at the last part he had just said.

"You know Jess, its not good to lie to people you like so early on"

"Oh common, I don't want to be there alone. Do me a solid here," Jesse pleaded.

"All right, all right. I'll go meet Laura and be there with you but don't expect me to be there more than an hour" Beca said coming back into view in the kitchen, pointing her finger at Jesse to make it clear how serious she was about not staying longer than an hour there.

"That's my girl! Knew you wouldn't let me down! You love me!" Jesse went over to her and for real fist-bumped Beca this time.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that. Look, I have to get ready for a meeting I have in an hour. Send me the time and place for this thing and I'll meet you there." Beca headed back to her room.

"Okay. You're the best Becs," Jesse said as he headed back into his own room to get ready.

"Jerk," Beca shouted slamming her door, heading to her closet.

Jesse knew Beca didn't like to be called Becs. He didn't know the reason but the brunette had made it clear of her dislike of him using it. It's not that she didn't like the sound of it. She loved it but only coming from a certain person. That's what Chloe would call her. Well, used to call her when she was in her life. It wasn't the same coming from anyone else during her time together with the Bellas and that still remained today. Jesse saying it reminded her of her internal feelings that she tried so hard to push away every day. The idea that there's nothing good that comes in dwelling in the past kept her strong. But having Jesse call her Becs broke that mentality that kept her sane most days.

She stood in front of the mirror looking at what she had decided to wear, "Yeah, there's a high probability of this getting super fun tonight," she said sarcastically out loud.

Beca made it to the place downtown around 10pm that night. Jesse texted her saying he was running a little late so she decided to sit in the bar area of the lounge. This was usually her go to strategy when Fat Amy dragged her out to hang out with them. Sit at the bar, scope the place and drink something to help with the anxiety that usually came from these types of social interactions. That's how tequila shot number one happened.

"Mind if I make you company?" Someone broke her internal pep talk on how she should try making more small talk.

"Uh, sure. I'm not the best of company though so sit at your own risk," Beca turned in the direction of the voice. It was a green eyed, brown haired guy in business attire that took the barstool to her right.

"I'll take my chances. Hi, I'm Mike," he said confidently reaching out with his extended hand.

"Beca," the brunette replied as she tried to suppress the thoughts of "not another over confident douche please" and maybe just try making progress and do small talk for once. Would it kill you?

"So is this place one of the city's best?" Mike asked ordering a coke and rum to the blonde bartender who had served Beca earlier.

"Sorry, not the best person to ask. Like sure, this place is nice and it has a chill vibe to it. I'm just used to other types of places to be honest" Beca said.

"What places are you used to?" Mike asked with an intrigued look on his face.

"Oh you know, places with packed dance floors and loud music," Beca said looking around the lounge again in case Jesse had made it. She figures he must be nervous for him to be arriving late tonight.

"Ah, so you like clubs and dancing. I'm new to town, would you mind taking me to some of those places?" Mike said looking at Beca with what she supposed was Mike's go to pretty boy face. She noticed how he was getting a little closer to her outstretched hand on the bar so she placed both of her hands on her lap. Of course someone would take her small talk as an invitation to flirt.

She laughed nervously, "Yeah no, no I don't like clubs and dancing. I sometimes get invited to DJ or meet my clients at clubs." Beca noticed in the corner of her eye that the bartender seemed to be amused by the interaction playing out in front of her.

"Ah, just my new to town luck to be sitting with such a gorgeous music industry insider!" Mike said ending with a wink. Can this get any more cringe worthy?

"I'm not a big deal. Just started as an associate music producer so don't get too excited dude," Beca said quickly trying to not catch too much attention to herself. She really did not like getting attention for being a music producer, let a lone being called gorgeous. In the time of being a music producer she had become used to all the questions that came with announcing something like that a little too loud like, who have you worked with, who's going to be the next big hit, who's not cool to work with, etc. She did not want to deal with those questions tonight.

"Someone like you, with your looks and enticing attitude? No, something tells me you are down playing yourself," Mike said starring straight into Beca's eyes.

"Yeah, Beca's known to do that," Jesse interrupted whatever Mike's next move was going to be by placing an arm over Beca. He had approached the two from Beca's left side and from her body language he could tell she was about to flee the area.

"Jess, finally, what took you so long?" Beca said overjoyed by his presence and uncharacteristically stood and gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.

"Jesse, this is Mike. He's new in town," Beca said directing her attention to Mike as she took Jesse's hand and hugged herself with his arm as she stood with her back to Jesse. Jesse quickly got the memo and played along with Beca.

"Hi, Mike, so what brings you to the city of angels? You look like a business or law type. Hmm, corporate lawyer?" Jesse said using his free hand to scratch his head in a mocking way. Mike looked like someone had kicked his puppy but he quickly composed himself. Beca could barely hold in the laughter of continuing with the charade.

"Yeah, I'm a lawyer for nonprofit organizations. Currently representing a low income focused teacher certificate corporation that recently moved its headquarters to LA," Mike said looking around the lounge for the first time and checking his phone.

"Well, it was great to meet you two and I'll excuse myself now. My girlfriend just texted saying she made it and she's waiting in the front," Mike said leaving money on the bar and waving off.

"Wow, you must have really not liked this guy to pull my arm over you, "Jesse said letting out a hearty laugh.

"Shut up dude. Guy has a girlfriend? He could have fooled me. Maybe he's just overconfident and I'm a hobbit not used to random human interaction. I'm like a second away from leaving," Beca said as she looked at the bartender who seemed even more amused as Beca signaled for another shot.

"Woah, careful there, tequila shot? You know that never helps with the anxiety. Don't worry, I'll stick close by to help you out in case of anymore awkward situtions," Jesse said barely able to hold his laughter in.

"What took you so long? Seriously? And where's Laura. I'd like to just say hello quick and leave," Beca said taking down the shot.

"You said you would stay an hour! Don't bail on me now. Look, there she is!" Jesse said looking nervous all of a sudden.

"Dude you're good. You got this. From what you have told me I have a good gut feeling that she's more into you than what you give her credit to be. Swanson, let us get this over with," Beca said dragging a semi tense looking Jesse away from the bar and towards the lounge area.

"You must be Beca!" Laura said happily as she took Beca into a hug. "Jesse has told me so much about you. Sorry, the hug must of killed you. "

"Hi, nice to finally meet you as well. This loser has told me all about you too. And don't worry about the hug, just don't expect one from me, like ever," Beca said smiling and moving aside so that Jesse would stand between both of them.

"What held you up?" Laura asked while giving Jesse a hug as well. Beca noted how she kept her arm around Jesse's waist after.

"Lets just say Beca got a little uncomfortable over at the bar while talking with a guy to the point of insinuating that we were a thing when I got there to get him to leave," Jesse said laughing. "You should have seen her. She looked like a gazelle about to be pounced on by a lion."

"Dude, shut up. I would have totally told him that I don't bat for his team or to simply fuck off if he crossed the line. He was just too friendly. I'm not usually one to even make small talk. Probably gave him the idea I wanted to interact with humans. Anyways, don't mind me I'll be out of the way as soon as you give us a look around the place," Beca said the three started moving toward the end of the lounge area leading to an outdoor terrace section.

"Great choice on the place. I'm digging the vibe," Jesse said as a way to keep the conversation going with Laura.

"Yeah. Looks like more of the people I invited are making it now," Laura said leaning in close to Jesse, "Will she be fine?"

"Yeah, she's just not used to enjoying a night out as much. Workaholic," Jesse said a little louder at the end shrugging and putting his hands up.

"I heard that," Beca said playfully punching Jesse's arm from his other side.

"You two are friendship goals, seriously!" Laura said admiring the two friends.

"Laura, you have no idea how much I want to get rid of him. Why don't you take him for the rest of the night so that I can breath?" Beca said pretending to look annoyed.

"Jesse Swanson, leave poor Beca alone and be my date tonight," Laura said playing along with Beca.

"You want me to be your date tonight?" Jesse asked incredulously.

"I won't take no for an answer. I know I'm the host and I invited all these people but I'm just exhausted from work and all the planning. I know you'll help me get through this night," Laura ended in a dramatic tone.

"Oh, that exhausted? Geez, I would be a bad friend if I said no right?" Jesse asked feigning to be contemplating his options with his hands. "Bothering Beca is my favorite pastime though," he ended with a pout.

"Please take him away," Beca said pushing Jesse towards Laura. She was humored by the obvious connection between the two in front of her. She elbowed Jesse.

"It's my honor to be your date Lau," Jesse said to Laura, holding out his hand.

"Oh my, how could I ever thank you for your noble gesture," Laura said in what Beca guessed was an attempt of a Victorian era tone.

"You must accept my movi-cation offer," Jesse said with a wide smile.

"Oh no, Laura don't accept. Its hours and hours of movies and popcorn!" Beca feigned horror as she spoke. "You won't know what year it is or what your name is after sitting through all those boring movies!"

"Hey, don't be mean! A Jesse movi-cation is a once in a lifetime experience. Be grateful I deemed you worthy of it," Jesse said as pretend got dirt of his shoulders.

"Deal," Laura said taking Jesse's hand.

Jesse saw Laura direct her vision toward the a man approaching them and saw a clear look of "what's this persons name?" on her face. "Your date duties start now, what's this guy's name?" Laura asked as quietly as possible.

"Have fun guys, I'm heading to the bar," Beca said feeling this was the best moment to let Laura and Jesse enjoy their night.

Once she got there, Beca sat on the other side of the bar with a better view of the lounge. She was happy to see Jesse and Laura getting along so well. Jesse was a gentle and caring soul who she knows was the first to break down walls she had around herself. She considered herself lucky to still have his friendship after all that had occurred between them. Beca never doubted Jesse would find someone who truly felt passion for him.

As for her, Beca knew she would never be able to love someone else other than Chloe Beale. There was no point to her in even trying to find someone else. She just had to move on and live with the cost of being a coward.

"And there we go. Took a while to come up," she said aloud. The blonde bartender, who had seen the previous interaction with Mike, Jesse, and her, approached Beca and asked if she wanted anything.

"Let's see. How about a drink where at first you are not aware of the alcohol and then it just hits you straight in the gut leaving you quite out of it and breathless. But by then it's to late and you lose the love of your life," Beca said without really thinking and revealing more than she intended, ever, to a stranger. Two tequila shots do that to you.

"Yeah, I don't know if there's any drink that can do that," the bartender chuckled a little brining Beca to pay attention to her for the first time.

"Oh sorry, I wasn't being serious. Okay, yes I was. For real now, can I have a glass of water," Beca said and checked her phone after. How had two hours passed since she got here? Jesse was right. She would never admit that a night out is what she needed to get out of her usual work focused automatic life daze. She was starting to enjoy herself.

"So, I take it that's not your boyfriend?" The bartender asked Beca placing a glass of water in front of her.

"Nope. He's my partner in crime, roommate, and movie watching torturing best friend, Jesse Swanson," Beca said as she started to feel the two previous shots really kicking in now.

"He came right in time to save you from Mr. Douche-in-a-suit," the bartender said smiling.

"You saw that guy? Oh my please, tell me I didn't look like a gazelle about to be pounced on," Beca said hiding her face behind her hands.

"Well if you ask me, it looked like you were a little more uncomfortable towards the end but other than that, he was just a guy with too much confidence," the bartender said while making a drink for another client.

"Can you believe he said he had a girlfriend right before leaving? Poor girl. I'm usually more feisty but I just had a long week at work and a lot on my mind as I just shared," Beca said taking a sip of water. The alcohol was making her too chatty.

"Gotcha, let me know if there's anything else I could do for you, DJ," the bartender said with a wink moving to the other side of the bar to serve another client.

Beca was interrupted before really taking in the bartender winking at her.

"BECAW"

"Oh no dude, seriously. That's twice today. Give me a break," Beca said exaggerating annoyance by fisting up her hands and shaking them in fake fury.

"Dude, drink this for me. The soundtrack coordinator just got shots for everyone but I don't want to drink. I want to remember EVERY detail tonight. Laura asked me to be her date and agreed to a movication!" Jesse said ending with a huge grin. He was radiating excitement.

"See, what did I tell you? You are good! And what is this? Looks expensive," Beca said taking the shot out of Jesse's hand and forgetting all about telling herself she had had enough to drink like two seconds ago.

"Some expensive shot of bourbon whiskey," Jesse said in a mocking eloquent tone and looking back to see where Laura was.

"Yikes, that was strong," a coughing Beca said taking a long sip of water to sooth her throat. Last one for the night. Promise.

"Wait, isn't that Mike?" Jesse said squinting to get a better look across the lounge.

"Hey, it is! What if he's that friend of Laura's that's new to town?," Beca asked.

"Oh, you are right, she did say the friend that had just moved in to town was named Michael," Jesse said as he was still looking over. His face suddenly changed.

"Chill Jesse, that girl totally has the hots for you," Beca said wriggling her eyebrows when she said 'hots'.

"Uh yeah, don't do that again ever, you look super creep status doing that. I'm going over to Laura. She's signaling me to go over. Are you heading out soon?", Jesse said with a hint of uneasiness.

"I think I need like a few minutes to let that last shot sink in. Don't worry. I'll find you guys before I head out. Go with your lady," Beca said sticking finger guns at Jesse. Her brain was telling her that was one of the dorkiest things she had ever done and that her badass reputation was in danger of extinction. But the alcohol shut out those thoughts quickly telling her it was making her look extra cool.

"Okay, no more for you tonight," Jesse said giving Beca a small side hug and heading over to Laura.

Weirdo. Why did he hug her just then? She took another sip of water and decided to people watch again as she let the dizziness from that last drink fade. She looked over in the direction Jesse had left and stopped when she got a glimpse of red hair.

No, it couldn't be.

Beca hated how just the mere sight of red hair would make her heart halt. She took another sip of water. Just because there's a redhead doesn't mean it could be Chloe.

Then she heard it, that unique and distinct sound of Chloe's laugh. Beca's memory had etched that distinct sound inside of her brain, having replayed countless memories of Chloe laughing for the past two years.

Her eyes quickly found the source of the laugh. It was indeed Chloe Beale looking as radiant as ever in an emerald top with dark pants. Beca became lost in thought for a second but then she saw that the redhead was not alone. Actually, somebody was holding her. That somebody was Mike. Jesse and Laura were steps away from them now talking to another group of people.

"Of course. Thanks life. Really. Thank you," Beca said sarcastically aloud to herself. And then she saw it. Mike and Chloe kissing.

"And that's a cut," Beca said turning away. The bartender was in front of her again.

"You called?" she said.

"Yes, kick me in the balls," Beca said with a serious face.

"Coming right up," the bartender said with a chuckle.

"Wait, there really is a drink with that name?" Beca asked momentarily amused. The amusement didn't last much as she once again dared to look in the direction of Mike and Chloe and saw them still kissing. Beca's face turned rigid.

"Oh yes! Toxicology is a creative field. It looks like you just got kicked in the balls though," the blonde bartender said placing the drink in front of Beca, eyeing the brunette with an intrigued look.

"Oh, you have no idea sister," Beca said as she unceremoniously downed the shot. She instantly felt the alcohol doing its damage and got even dizzier even though she was sitting.

"That's two kicks in a row then. Turning out to be a rough night I see," the bartender said trying to figure out what had caused the change in the brunette.

"Yeah, I should get going. Won't be a happy sight if I stay any longer. Mind getting me my tab mmm'lady," Beca said hearing herself starting to slur words.

"How about I call your partner in crime over so he can take you home. You're not looking too hot anymore to be honest," the bartender said with a concerned and sincere look.

"He's not my boyfriend. What's your name again? Annnnnyyways, I don't want to ruin his night," Beca said in a straight face attempting to not slur her words.

She stood on the barstools sides to lean over and got closer to the bartender. About to lose her balance, she grabbed on to the blonde's shoulders, "Plus, he's the host's date for the night," Beca whispered into the bartender's ear and sat back down slightly giggling.

"Name's Margaret but my friends call me Margie. Drink this, you'll thank me tomorrow." The blonde placed a yellow Gatorade in front of her and continuing with other's orders.

Beca just sat there with a blank look in her eyes for about ten minutes. This was really happening? Not only was she seeing Chloe again after two years, she was seeing her with someone else. Not just any guy. Mike.

Chloe looked happy. She had moved on. Beca had to stop. She also would have to move on.

Well there was nothing between her and Beca so it just meant Chloe had found someone. Why Mike though? Beca knew that instant she loathed that guy like no one else in this world. But even more now than ever, she felt deep inside she would never have a chance with Chloe.

Not wanting to keep extending this night any longer looking at Chloe with someone she managed to make eye contact with Jesse who winced once he realized Beca had seen Chloe. Beca brought two fingers to her left eyebrow and signaled off to him. She didn't have it in her to approach anywhere near Chloe and she knew Jesse would understand her not properly saying goodbye. She knew she had limited energy before breaking down. She had to get home now. Also, she was tipsy on the verge of very drunk. Not a good mix.

"Take care Margie," Beca called out throwing up the Vulcan salute and heading out. She had left a $100 bill on the bar.

The fresh air that hit her as she stepped out of the building was exactly what she needed. She hailed a cab and headed home.

"Hey," Jesse says tentively. Jesse had not bothered checking anywhere else other than their roof terrace once he got home and found Beca lying on her hammock.

This was Beca's favorite place in their house. In looking for a place to rent after their first year of living together, Beca had made only one demand: that their place have a roof terrace. Jesse grew accustomed to finding Beca up here late at nights and some of the greatest conversations they had ever had together took place as they both lay on the hammock.

"Hi, Laura's date," Beca says with a wide smile. She had her guitar with her and was strumming a delicate sounding pattern. There was a cup of tea in the side table next to the hammock.

"Lau's bummed she didn't get to say goodbye to you but I told her that, with you, everyone is used to the famous Beca French Exit," Jesse said getting on the opposite side of the hammock.

"Thanks. Awh, Lauuu. You two looked to be getting along so cuuuute tonight," Beca slurred sincerely while looking up in the sky. "I don't know Laura, buuut it takes no genius or mind reader to see you meeeaeen more than just a friend to that girl."

"We, uh, kissed. When I dropped her off after her thing was over. It was magical. It was definitely something else. Never felt like that while kissing someone. No offense," Jesse said with a huge grin, awaiting for Beca to throw him with one of the hammocks pillows.

"JESSE! Awesome that is! Annnd, no worries. I happen to know for a fact that I am an awesome kissssssser Swanson, so no offense taken," the brunette said in a sophisticated mock voice crossing her arms in front of her.

After a pause she continued in a serious tone, "I'm genuinely happy for you Jesse. I hope things keep progressing in a positive manner between both of you," Beca said looking directly at him for the first time.

Jesse could see the strains of tears on her face.

"Beca, I'm sorry. I didn't know that Laura knew," Jesse started but stopped when he saw Beca raising her index finger. She closed her eyes tilting her head back and opening them with a sigh, looking into the starry night sky.

"Youuu don't need to apologize," Beca said quietly after a while. "No ONE would have ever guessed SHE would be there or that Laura knew them. IT is a small world after all. It's life being life," Beca paused with a soft chuckle, "Life's a fucking bitch."

Beca appreciated how Jesse just kept making her silent company after that. This is how she knew they were soul mates. He understood her in ways that even surprised her. The peace and comfort that his company provided her was something that had helped constantly crumble the walls she would build around herself in her defense and hard headedness. Him being there then was soothing her inside anger and the pain she felt in her heart.

After a while she unintentionally started strumming a tune that seemed to just fit perfectly to what her deep subconscious was feeling. She just couldn't get herself to explain in words because she did not fully understand them and definitely didn't want to voice them. But music was always something that helped take out what she's feeling.

Something took over her and she started singing half way through the song

"It's hard to admit that  
Everything just takes me back  
To when you were there"

She took a breath before continuing with the rest of the verse

"And a part of me keeps holding on  
Just in case it hasn't gone  
I guess I still care  
Do you still care?"

Beca's voice wavered at this point but she continued strumming. Jesse could see how deep Beca was feeling about the words of this song. There was not doubt that the words she sang had a profound meaning to her and were speaking for her.

"Let me photograph you in this light  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized  
We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless  
I'm so mad I'm getting old  
It makes me reckless"

Beca sang the last line with so much feeling that she was not able to keep singing after this. She just kept strumming the rest of the song.

(Song is by Adele "When we were young"

Source: . )

Beca doesn't remember the rest of the night after finishing the song play by play the next day when she wakes up in her room in her same clothes from last night. She has the general idea of what happened after five minutes of starring at her bedroom's ceiling.

She usually does not spill her guts out to anyone. On the rare occasions she does, the one and only person who she has been able to is with Jesse. Even if she hates putting herself out there by voicing all her fears and what she's feeling, she trusts Jesse to be there for her no matter what. Last night was not the exception. He didn't fail her.

The mix of alcohol, exhaustion of keeping everything bottled up, and the surprise of seeing Chloe just pushed her over the edge. Through sobs and brusts of anger she spilled everything she had been torturing herself inside with to a Jesse who held her at times and gave her space exactly when she needed throughout the conversation.

She tells him she had realized she loved Chloe after she had moved to LA and they had broken up. This was by far the hardest to admit. She had never said the words "I'm in love with Chloe Beale." Saying them though made her feelings for the redhead even more real. It felt so good to say it out loud but at the same time it was terrifying. She was afraid this would hurt him but Jesse, being the amazing and true friend he was, simply responded with an "I know."

After this she went on a rant, walking in circles around the hammock while Jesse remained laying down on. She went in circles in her own rant about how she felt like she has left too much time pass and that she will have to move on now, unless she wants to spend the rest of her life in regret. No, that would be a waste of a life and she didn't want to live with this pain and regret. How could anyone? She went on with how she could just get in touch with Chloe to reduce the pain but just be friends after seeing that she was in a relationship. That at least this way Chloe would remain happy and Chloe would be a part of her life. That it was probably for the best that Chloe never knew about how she felt for her. And how she would just have to force herself to move on and only see Chloe as a friend. That was better than not having Chloe in her life.

And that's it. That's all she remembered. How did she get inside? What other deep secret did she reveal? She was brought out of her deep thoughts by the noises coming from the kitchen. She heard a couple of different voices coming from the kitchen. Who visits people on a Saturday morning?

Beca checked her phone and saw it was almost 3pm. Of course she slept through half of the day. She hadn't had that much to drink in a while. She looked at her phone again and saw she had missed calls and texts from at least four different people.

Calls: Two from Jesse; One from one of her clients; One from her dad.

Texts: 3 from Emily; 12 from Fat Amy; 1 from an Chloe

And that's when the headache hit her and her stomach started to grumble.

She tries to speak but fails the first time as her throat is dry. After clearing her throat she managed to speak.

"Jess? Dude, ah shit this hurts. JESSE," Beca managed to get a louder sound to come out at the end.

"Yo, Sleeping Effin Beauty finally woke up!," Fat Amy hollered as she opened Beca's room door and ran towards Beca, jumping on her bed. "Sup, Short Stack? Whoa, you look like shit! Did you get plastered last night? Why were we not invited? BUMPER!"

"Hey no! Get off dude! How come you are in town?"

Amy opened the blinds of the central window in Beca's room.

"It's three already. Let the light shine! It's like a cave in here. Where did you buy these blinds? Well I texted you this morning we were coming. Not my fault you were half dead all morning. BUMPER!"

"No! Shit, dude, don't call him over and for the love of whatever is sacred in Tasmania, stop shouting! Patricia!" Beca said as she winced because her head was about to explode due to the light and sound bombarding her.

"Woman you called?" Bumper said coming into the room followed by an extremely amused looking Jesse.

"No. Stop right there you two. No more steps. No more words. Out now!" Beca yelled at the two guys and threw a pillow in their direction. The two just stood there laughing.

"Common' Bumper, show me your pictures with Christina and Pharell. I can't believe you are working with them on an album after all!" Jesse said pulling him by the shoulders out of the room.

Beca laid back down and put her blanket over her head.

"Beca, what's up?" Fat Amy said sincerely. "You need some of my butt confidence to get energy? My booty has some good built up confidence all over it."

Beca couldn't help but chuckle under the blanket.

"On a serious note though, you called me Patricia. You can't do that and expect me to go on without questions as to what's going on with ya." Fat Amy said in the most sincere tone Beca had ever heard her speak in.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." Beca voice sounded muffled as she was under her blanket still.

"So this has nothing to do with the meet and greets I have been setting up for you with my foundation's kids? Or is it about a certain redhead recently moving to L.A.?" Fat Amy said in a disinterested tone.

"No. Wait. You know I'm not good with kids. I cuss and say inappropriate things like every other word. Fuck, how did you know she was in town?" Beca said removing the blanket from over her head. "Wait. She is living in L.A. now?"

"Social media. Duh. Seriously Short Stuff, why do you purposefully live under a rock? You deleted your profile on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter ever since you moved to L.A." Fat Amy said looking around Beca's room. The walls had random pictures of the Bella's over the years. She couldn't help to notice there were none of Beca and Chloe together. She knew for a fact there were many of the two together from being Beca's roommate for three years.

"Didn't want social media to distract me from focusing on producing music," Beca said deep in thought. What else had she missed out on?

"Well, I personally know how hard it is to get in contact with you even when we are face to face so I don't take it personally. But I know it's really because you have a fat heart. That it is because you care too much. That's why the distance hurts. That's why you are not willing to show the world-"

"Okay, stop!" Beca said wincing. "I can't keep listening to you talk about deep shit without coffee and pain pills."

"Jesse made bomb chicken fajita burritos. Lets get ya some food. I also need you ready for tonight!" Fat Amy said excitedly as she helped Beca out of her bed.

"Wait, what's happening tonight?" Beca asked as she was making her way to the kitchen.

"Did you not read my texts at all? I told you all about the plans for tonight. We are having an acapella themed party to celebrate Bumper getting to sing back up for Pharell in his next album and him getting a contract finally for that show that was proposed for him to start in next month," Fat Amy said sitting next to Bumper who felt it was the appropriate time to initiate a make out session with the blonde.

"Guys, get a room!" Beca said as she started hitting buttons on the coffee maker.

"You need help there?" Jesse asked from the other side of the counter.

"Ugh, yes please. My head is killing me. And I'm starving. Never again will I drink a kick in the balls. I didn't have dinner yesterday and I slept off most of the day already. How am I alive?," Beca said as she took a burrito that had been left in the microwave for her.

"MMMMM these are heaven Jess!" Beca said after munching half of the burrito in one bite.

"Dang, I didn't think she could eat like that," a surprised looking Bumper said as the two others also watched Beca eat.

"Leaf, umf, me alone," Beca said between bites.

"Just don't choke. Anyways, back to the party talk. We've invited bunch of people so we hope it will just be a fun night. And there will be an epic Riff-Off, of course!" Fat Amy said bouncing her hands off her stomach.

Beca just ate the rest of the burrito and drank her cup of coffee in silence while listening to her three friends talk about the plans for the night. She felt numb and wanted to get more sleep before going to another party. She would stay away from alcohol tonight for sure. For months. And she would have to take in reality eventually. But first party. What could possibly happen in between?

Beca makes it to the party a little late having had to take care of a last minute meeting for work.

She made it to the party as the Riff Off was about to take off.

"Finally, thought you were not going to make it to the fun part!" Jesse said holding Laura by the hand.

"Apparently we are all in for a surprise tonight," a joyful looking Laura said.

"You've never been a part of a Riff Off?" Beca asked trying to see where Fat Amy was to let her know she had made it.

"Nope. This sounds like fun though so I'm excited to see what happens," Laura said.

"Don't worry, stick with me and Beca and you'll be on the winning team," a confident sounding Jesse said.

"All right aca pitches, let's get this started!" Fat Amy said as she made her way into the center of the living room.

"The groups are to be made up of four people, choose wisely people!" Bumper said energetically.

Beca was looking down on her phone as she had just received an email regarding something pending at work.

"Are you up for remembering the good old day's, Becs?" a timid sounding Chloe said coming into view in front of Beca.

"Hey Red, get your own Bella, short stuff here is on my team." Fat Amy said standing between Beca and Chloe.

Beca was in a stupor and was not able to say anything as she was pulled aside by Fat Amy to where Jesse and Laura were standing.

"So I take it we are a team then?" Jesse said looking over at Chloe who looked like someone had hit her puppy. She made her way back to Mike and got in a group with Bumper and some other guy who was Bumper's assistant.

There were two more other groups made up by people Beca assumed were friends of Fat Amy and Bumper. She was just happy that Fat Amy had prevented her from saying anything stupid to Chloe.

The game started with a rap category.

Bumper started singing Check Yourself and was cut by another team with TLC's Scrub. That team was cut off by Fat Amy singing Tootsee Roll by BLOB. The fourth team attempted to cut her off with It's tricky by Blob, but the girl who was leading said a wrong word and they were eliminated.

The next category was songs with the word forget in the title. Jesse took the lead and started with Don't you forget about me by GLOOB. He wouldn't be Jesse if he hadn't done that. Chloe cut him off with Tove Lo's Habits (Stay High). Beca could not help but notice that as Chloe sang she was looking directly at her and singing with a lot of emotion. The third team cut her off however with Lara Larzons Never forget you. The guy forgot the words midway though and they got eliminated.

The last category was Beyonce. Bumper's assistant took off with Formation. Beca could see why he was Bumper's assistant as the two were very similar. Anyone could have thought they were brothers. She decided to step up and cut him off with "7/11". She was enjoying singing the song and was dancing around with her foot up with Laura when Chloe cut her off with "Crazy in love". Again, Beca could not help but notice Chloe was singing directly to her. She glanced at Mike who was standing behind Chloe admiring her body and apparently not realizing what his girlfriend was up to. Fat Amy blocked Chloe's view of Beca and started singing Single Ladies.

When the eccentric blonde got to the part "If you like it then you should of put a ring on it" Bumper went in the center and dropped down on one knee.

"I don't just like it. I love it. I want to put a ring on it. Patricia Jane Lee Smith, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Fat Amy looked like she was struck by a lightning bolt.

"BUMPA! Of course! Bitches we are getting married!" The blonde bellowed in great joy as Bumper picked her up in his arms. The room was cheering and clapping for the newly engaged couple.

Beca made her way toward them and congratulated them. Bumper and Fat Amy of course made it awkward for her and squished her inside of an intense sandwhich hug.

After that Beca decided to step outside to get some air and also evade any contact with Chloe. She knew she was being immature. She had not replied to Chloe's text. She had not spoken a word to her. But she just needed time. She had to be sure she would not let her emotions for Chloe ruin the friendship they could regain again.

Later that night…

Chloe told Mike she was going to the restroom but instead searches for Beca who was on the terrace trying to sort her thoughts and feelings out. Chloe makes it to the terrace and sees from afar as a blonde approaches the brunette from behind. Margie, the bartender from the night before happened to be overseeing a new bartender who's first gig was this party.

"You look good, considering what you drank last night," Margie said tapping Beca on the shoulder to get her attention.

"I'm pretty sure you saved my liver last night with that Gatorade. Thank you," Beca said as she looked around. She felt like her socializing time was over. She didn't want to be rude to Margie though. "Think its time for me to head home. I'm standing but I'm not all here."

"Well last night I was working and I couldn't leave to make sure you made it home safe. But today I'm done for the night. How about I make sure you get home safe tonight?" Margie said in a tentative tone to a surprised looking Beca.

"You, my lady, seem like a beautiful person inside and out. And as much as I would like to say yes, I will very respectfully say no for tonight. I uh don't want to hurt you, or be rude to you, Margie. Just need some time to think and soak things in. I'm flattered really. Don't hate me.

"No problem. I respect your honesty. And I won't put any pressure on you. I will however, put my number in your phone. So that when you've come to terms with whatever kicked you in the nuts last night, you know there's someone who would like to get to know you better and be there for you." Margie said and then took a deep breath before taking a step forward in an attempt to take Beca's hand that was holding her phone.

"All right. Thanks." Beca said awkwardly. How was this reality?

"Ok here then," Margie said returning Beca her phone and going in for a hug to say goodbye.

"I don't do hugs so well," Beca said moving back.

"Then fist bump it is," Margie said not trying to make the goodbye anymore awkward.

"Ok see ya," Beca said wincing at the word choice but moving swiftly away from the amused looking blonde.

Chloe panics as she sees Beca moving in her direction with her head down to avoid others stopping her. Chloe makes an attempt to turn and start walking away when she bumps into a server who falls forward and pushes an unaware Beca off balance.

Beca falls face down on her left arm. Immediately, Chloe attempts to get Beca up but the brunette can't stand as her left arm is not only in pain but also has a bone sticking out on its end. The last thing she sees is Chloe's worried stricken eye's filling with tears. But certainly that could not be. This pain was playing tricks with her lovesick mind.

Beca wakes up and finds herself in the hospital to a doctor talking to Jesse telling him that they will have to take her into surgery to fix her open posterior fracture-dislocations of the olecranon, aka her fucked up elbow that tore open her arm when the server pushed her to the ground.

The pain pills make her dizzy just laying down. But she manages to get Fat Amy and Jesse's attention and asks what happened. Of course there was video footage of the incident. And Beca's eyes widen as she comes to the realization that Chloe had indeed been there. And also was the cause of this mishap.

Beca couldn't help but giggle at the "deer caught in the headlights" look Chloe had before bumping into the server as she replayed the video again. She saw in the video how Chloe had been the one to lift her up after Beca had passed out. Goodness. It had been so long since she had felt Chloe's embrace. Something she had taken for granted back in their Bella days.

"So, where is she? I mean, who's all here?"

"Red? She's out with her boy toy and Jesse's girl," Fat Amy said taking a seat next to Beca and switching the tv on. "Oh yeah! Wrestling is on!"

"Chloe's out getting something to eat with Laura and Mike. She had not eaten anything all day and Mike all but dragged her out of here after the third time her stomach growled," Jesse said taking a seat on the other side of Beca's bed.

He continued to talk but everything just turned fuzzy and blurred out on Beca. Beca's pain and the effect the pain pills had on her made it hard for her to say anything back and she fell back into a daze easily.

Her mind was playing tricks on her as she slept. She had hallucinations of Chloe and her bf getting married and of Chloe laughing at her face as she was on her knees and told her she loved her. That she was a coward.

Having lost track of time and what was going on she just became aware of being wheeled away and caught a glimpse of the light blue eyes that her heart yearned to stare at forever. They looked back at her with love.

Some time after the surgery.

"Coi…mmm sorry"

"She's waking up…"

"What did she just say?"

"Shhh let her…"

"Chlo, wait..."

"Short stuff is way out still probably dreaming with pink elephants," Fat Amy said trying to make the situation less awkward as she noticed Chloe's cheeks turning a bright pink. The redhead was standing behind Mike who holding her hand over his shoulder.

"Hey Becs, you are okay. Just sleep it off. Your surgery went well. No more bones sticking out of you," Jesse said as he patted the brunette's hand.

"Is it too late…" Beca was sounding like a lost kid at the store. Thankfully she went back to sleeping without saying anything else.

But there was now tension in the room as Mike (who finally got a clue) turned to face Chloe who stood there with watery eyes. She had come to the realization that Beca had not really wanted her out of her life. In fact, she was looking for her to be a part of it still.


End file.
